A Common Interest

A Common Interest

When I was a boy of about 12 years old, I discovered an unusual way to communicate . . . quite by accident.

It was summertime, and a bit hot. Every summer a family from Chicago came and spent their vacation at our home. Charlie, the father, had grown up with my dad on the north shore of Upper Red Lake. He and his wife, Helen had a daughter who was about five years older than me, but for whatever reason she really like hanging out with me. We enjoyed a number of activities around the farm, and when we ran out of things to do, she just got real silly, and we laughed a lot.

At that time, I played two instruments, the accordion and the trombone, and I was expected to practice each a half hour a day. Well, when school let out, I just kind of gave a big sigh of relief. Along with my relief went my practice time. I just didn’t want to practice during the summer vacation, and most of the time I didn’t.

However one day I realized I had better not be totally irresponsible with my practicing. Reluctantly, I forced myself through the process of getting my trombone out and oiling up the slide. Then, I was struck by a brilliant idea. It was warm out; I would practice outside. Why not?

So, I took a straight-backed chair out of the living room and set it in the middle of the driveway. Then I carried the music stand and music out and set it up in front of the chair. Finally, I sat down to practice. For about 15 minutes the clear, robust sound of my trombone echoed out from our driveway, toward the county road about a hundred yards to the north, and into the 80-acre field across the road. It was a big theater in which to perform!

I guess I was so into it, that I never looked up, until behind me I heard the sound of hysterical laughter. When I looked up, Helen was coming from the house, laughing her head off, pointing to the other side of the driveway.

When I turned in my chair to see where she was pointing, I witnessed a very large audience pressed up against the fence bordering the driveway.

The cows!

The entire herd came to listen and watch. They stood silent and attentive, staring . . . inquisitive expressions on their faces.

Obviously, they had never heard a trombone before . . . and perhaps they thought I had turned into one of them, because I guess I kind of sounded like them. Maybe they thought I looked like them too, with my red hair . . . and they were red. They were Herefords.

At any rate, because of the sounds coming out of my horn, they had come to watch . . . and me and my trombone, we definitely had their full attention.

So, how important is it to gain the attention of your listeners?

Many years ago, I read an article by a top salesman from 3M. The entire point of his talk was that if you are going to make a sale, you first have to get the customer’s attention. “Ninety percent of sales efforts fail,” he said, “because you never got their attention.”

Why are television commercials often so obnoxious and outrageous? Because they know they are just one of hundreds of commercial messages that come to you every day, and they want theirs’ to be the one you pay attention to. They must stand out somehow, if the commercial is going to get your attention.

A few years ago, television commercials were very loud, much louder than the program you were watching and often you would have to turn the volume down on your television when the commercials came on.

People, knowing I was in advertising at that time, would aske me, “Why are the commercials so loud?” I couldn’t believe they didn’t know why, because to me it was so painfully obvious. They were trying to get the listener’s attention. Finally, the government passed a law that said commercials couldn’t be painfully louder than the programming of the network.

The next step in sales after you have gotten the listener’s attention, is to establish common ground. Find something they are interested in and talk about that. In so doing, you establish trust and the feeling you are interested in them. Seasoned salespersons are good at this.

A number of years ago, when I was married to my first wife, I got a call from a salesperson who wanted to visit us and present his product . . . life insurance. I’m not sure why I agreed to meet with him. I guess I probably needed life insurance at the time.

He came through the door and immediately began observing things around the room, like the great pictures of our small children. The first comment he made was. “Boy, that’s a great picture!” and he admired it for a while. We sat down in the kitchen and he took an interest in who we were. The conversation went on for well over an hour, and he talked about anything and everything, except insurance. We began feeling we were friends. We really liked this guy . . . and I might add, the friendship lasted for years after that.

Then he got to the insurance and acted like he didn’t really enjoy this part, but he did say it was really good life insurance. I couldn’t sign on the dotted line quickly enough . . . and I might add, in retrospect, it was the best life insurance by far, of any I have encountered in my lifetime.

Well, my point is obvious. This man established common ground . . . lots of it. An added observation was that he was real and not phony.

Recently, I was on the phone with another friend, sharing how Lorraine had connected with someone and the conversation developed into the person baring her soul, needing some help and encouragement.

Immediately, this fellow asked, “Is she saved?”

I bristled slightly. There are many Christians out there who go around nailing people with the Four Spiritual Laws or some other method of quick salvation, or so they think, on the part of the person they are accosting.

I don’t at all like this method. It is disrespectful to the person, because it may be that you don’t really care about him or her, you just want to rack up another achievement, and may brag about it, or at least feel really good that you have gotten this person to pray the sinner’s prayer. There is a place for it, if maybe you feel you will never see this person again, and you feel the Holy Spirit’s prompting.

An example would be when I was in Washington DC for a large Christian conference and got a ride back to the hotel in a taxi. The driver remarked that there were a lot of young people attending and, “Why was that?”

I knew I had only a few minutes with this man and might never see him again, so I gave him a succinct answer, that these young people were excited about their faith and about knowing Christ. Then, when we arrived in front of the hotel, I asked if he wanted to pray to receive Christ.

He did. We prayed the prayer and he had to be off, but not before I got his phone number. Later, when I was home in Minneapolis, I called him, got his address and mailed him a Bible.

This kind of encounter in my life, is not the usual. Some people seem to be really good at it, and often lead total strangers to Christ.

More often, sharing the Christian faith is about developing common ground and trust, and it usually takes some time.

Lorraine and I try constantly to be real and authentic. To be running around with a fistful of tracts, buttonholing people on the street can seem to them to be “canned and phony.” In some cases, it can push them away from the Gospel, because they think you are some kind of religious fanatic, who doesn’t really care about them.

You will notice in the Bible that when Jesus engaged in conversation with someone, He was never in a hurry. He had time to talk and to address their needs with compassion and patience.

One evening I was in the bedroom watching television and Lorraine’s phone rang. The conversation lasted two and a half hours. The person on the other end was obviously asking question after question about spiritual matters. When Lorraine finally hung up and I asked her who it was, I found out it was someone who doesn’t believe much of anything about life after death.

This is how we minister. People are people, precious in the sight of God, and if you don’t have time for them, you disrespect them. It’s as simple as that.

Jesus was very good at beginning a conversation with something of interest to His subject, something that would arrest their attention and eventually lead to the important things in life.

We should study what He did and follow His lead. Above all, don’t be phony, be yourself . . . be real!

Photo taken and designed by Lorraine